|A photo slideshow by Smilebox|
|A photo slideshow by Smilebox|
Ok – So I am on week 3 of Fluffy to fit and I have to admit God is showing me some things about myself that quite frankly I don’t care a bit for. Part of doing this blog is sharing what God shares with me so here’s where I’ve gone so far:
So that’s the bad….the impurities as I am refined in the fire. Floating to the top and not as easy to scrape off as one might think. I have to keep myself on guard and constantly listen to the self talk. Watching the things I let float around in my head and (mostly) squelching those things that if left to roam would set me back.
Yes there’s a lot of crud coming to the top but I am also being left with pure gold. Seeing things about myself I didn’t know were there before I started on this journey:
It’s amazing the things you come up with as you set out on a journey that is so against who you thought you were. Fluffy is as much apart of me as my hands and feet. It’s been 15 years since I could describe myself as anywhere near fit. I have been scared for a very long time of what may be under all this fluffiness. I admit that some of what I am uncovering is unpleasant… excuses and ideas I have allowed because of the fluffiness. Justifying wrong thinking because of my fluffiness. I have also discovered things I didn’t realize I was capable of…working out at least 4 days a week. Working out on an ELLIPTICAL and enjoying it! Making better choices in what I eat, believing I am worthy of God’s attention and that I have it, the challenge ahead of me is not one I will ever face alone, not because I have good friends but because I am the daughter of an amazing God. Who is there to catch me if I fall, pick me up, kiss my boo-boos and encourage me to try again.
So I challenge you to challenge yourself. That thing you’ve been feeling like you want to try but your scared you’ll fail. That “feeling” could be God’s way of encouraging you to go do something GREAT! Go and Do it! Knowing that you are not alone, not because I will be cheering you on (and I will), not because your kids will admire you or you’ll be tickled with yourself but because God will be with you and it could be an awesome opportunity to draw closer to Him as you believe that if He asks you to fly He’ll not only give you the wings but He’ll give you the breeze to lift you up.
So. How will you challenge yourself today?
So as of Sunday (July 15th) I will have finished up my first 2 weeks and as I round this first milestone a full 7lbs lighter I have realized something rather shocking about myself.
I am my own worst enemy.
Humph. I would never have accused myself of such a thing except that with the 7lbs a few things have been revealed. I don’t like to fail or disappoint. I already kinda sorta knew that. BUT there is a fine line to wanting to make others happy (good thing) to not really trying or making excuses ahead of time so that when I fail/disappoint I can fall back on all the reasons (excuses…lies)why I never should’ve really been counted on in the first place to succeed (bad thing).
OR jumping in with both feet and then coming up with reasons I can’t. I have been big for so long that I can’t remember me when I was a smaller size (read: Healthier size – skinny does not equal healthy but neither done a size 26 and 270). I have always been that “fluffy” friend. Making up for that falling short feeling I get when I look at any other woman I know by being funny and kind (I am 99% sure I’ll still be like that when I reach my healthy size). Used to not being the first choice… just happy to be A choice. Never worried if I looked as nice or as “put together” as the women around me because I knew from the get go I didn’t. There’s a freedom in “fluffiness”. I can only buy certain clothes, do certain hairstyles and go to certain places because my size/weight limits me. I didn’t hold myself accountable to look as nice because I already knew I couldn’t. Pointless to run a 5k because I knew I would fail. Comfortable to have a fail proof excuse for anything going wrong.
Wanna know a secret? Tell NO ONE.
I am terrified of the small, healthy me, of what she may be capable of. These past almost 2 weeks I have caught glimpses of her. She felt energized (huh?), and was focused (say what!). SHE CRAVED WATER PEOPLE!!!
So today I had so many reasons(excuses/lies) why I was not behaving. Just a miserable day for intake and I barely moved enough to counter anything I ate and I caught my self thinking the most awful thought…
“See You are already slipping… You knew you would.”
I had a different response to it then I normally would’ve. I didn’t agree. I didn’t slump my shoulders and slink off knowing that there would be an “easier” time in the future. I simply let myself have today be a “bad” day with the promise tomorrow would be a “better” day.
You see THIS time. I am not doing it alone. I am doing it with God. By myself I would’ve already failed and slipped off, licking my wounded “I wishes” and ready, fully expecting, to fail. By myself.
With God I know it’s not by my power but by HIS power and through Him ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE! If I had a doubt God showed Himself through a text from my dear friend who has been gone for a week (and has been such an awesome motivator and encourager…bleh I am tearing up) I couldn’t have gotten even this far without her, there to tell me all that I am capable of and believing for me until I am able to believe on my own. She just wanted to see how I did this week, set up plans for next week and to schedule coffee and brunch one day. And the timing was perfect. I had just gotten the girls down and could actually have a text talk with her without constant interruption.
as if that wasn’t enough. I found this when I was looking for other pictures…SO TRUE!
Well friends. I am yawning so hard my eyes are having trouble opening back up so I am going to take that queue and head off to bed. God Bless!
Ok…So I spent a week getting my body in whack to spend 2 1/2 days to knock it out of whack. Nothing like a weekend at Mom & Dad’s to use as an excuse to follow NO rules. Boy did my body let me know too! It’s amazing how sometimes you don’t realize how bad you felt, until you’re going back there from feeling so much better. For the first time in a week I woke up sore, almost hungover feeling. My head hurts, my body aches, I slept over 8 hours and feel like I just dozed off.
While I gained 5 pounds (bleh bleh bleh) the silver lining is that still puts my total loss at 4 pounds and I am almost positive that since I barely drank 1 ounce of water this weekend it’s mostly water weight. So back on the water drinking train I go.
The next time we go to Mom and Dad’s I will have to make sure that I follow the 16oz of water before 12oz of soda rule or suffer the consequences. We are also back on the eating right train today. Weeeeee.
…I survived!! Not only that I thrived. I think I may really like working out. No one has told my fluffy self that I am in the wrong place and I think besides the standard answers to Why do you like working out? I feel better, I have more energy, I am getting healthier… my favorite part of working out is the coffee when we are all done, getting to sit down and take 5-10 minutes just to touch base with these amazing women. It’s like the cherry on top of the getting healthier sundae…though that may not be the best analogy and I’ll try to have a new one by my next post… Baby Steps ladies… Baby Steps!
AND I AM 9LBS LIGHTER!!!
That’s right ladies…my little butterfly on the little ticker weight gadget thing-a-ma-bob(courtesy of www.myfitnesspal.com ) at the top of this page has MOVED!! I know as I get further into fitness it will not take such leaps and bounds but it was mighty nice that it did this first week. Kinda confirms that something somewhere is being done right.
I have planned out my workout schedule for next week. My menu has not been planned out too much simply because we leave tomorrow for my parents house for the weekend and while I am not going to go on a binge eating everything carpy in sight I am also not going to hold the reigns as tightly there. Hoping my dear dad makes some French Toast on Saturday.
Off I go…Melissa
Ok…so if you can’t tell by the little ticker weight gadget thing-a-ma-bob(courtesy of www.myfitnesspal.com ) at the top of this page I am on the road to weight loss. If you want you can join me on this journey and in this post I am going to share my first day:
A dear friend from church has been encouraging me for awhile to workout with her at the gym. She knew it was something I wanted to do and I think she also knew it was something that just intimidated the stuff right out of me. It was something I had tried before and failed at miserably.
Not a big fan of failures, especially repeating them.
So suddenly there is this desire to stop wishing for my outside to match my inside but to actually start actively pursuing it. Stop wishing that Walmart would get some of the cute little person clothes (read: anything size 18 or smaller) in plus sizes and just get to a size that can wear them off the rack. Stop wishing my kids would settle down and start having the energy to engage them. To stop being less then God made me to be and start being the best weapon in His arsenal, to do that I don’t have to be skinny but I do need to be healthy. To stop being the butt of my own jokes to offset my insecurity. I just needed to start moving so I could start stopping all these things. So I could start being a better example to my kids, to hopefully start teaching them the way to eat at 6 and 2 so that when it may become an issue it won’t be because they’ll already eat the right way.
So I took a leap and took this dear friend up on her offer to workout together. As I was getting ready and heading there I had about 4 times that I just felt like bawling my eyes out. The little doubter inside me questioning what it was exactly I was hoping to prove. Did I really think that THIS time would be any different then the last 20? I had tried before and was obviously much better at being fluffy then I could even hope to be at getting fit. As I started to believe and agree with what I was telling myself I prayed that God please give me the strength, the tenacity and the ability to do this, to be more then I was now. To silence that doubter and replace with an “I can” voice.
I was reminded of this verse:
Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”
So though I was still afraid (and feel silly saying so – afraid of exercise really?) and still had doubts, overwhelming all that was this feeling that this time would be different. THIS time I was not doing it alone. THIS time I was doing it with God and with God ALL things are possible. Including the things I had failed at alone before.
As I am walking into the Y a Christian friend drives past me waving, I saw 3 friends within 2 minutes of going inside and my dear friend was there to not only pooh pooh my fears but to insist that I do the ELLIPTICAL TRAINER and not the treadmill for 15 minutes. She hopped on the one next to mine and though the first 5 minutes were (I am certain) life threatening, we got so caught up in talking that the next thing I know she’s saying we’re done and we went and had coffee with another friend. God sent me someone to be the “I can” voice that I couldn’t be for myself, that sees in me the things I can’t yet.
Change is hard…God is GOOD.
So…tomorrow’s goal…20 minutes on the ELLIPTICAL TRAINER!
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