Monday, July 23, 2012

Refiners Fire

Ok – So I am on week 3 of Fluffy to fit and I have to admit God is showing me some things about myself that quite frankly I don’t care a bit for.  Part of doing this blog is sharing what God shares with me so here’s where I’ve gone so far:

  • I have a bad habit of setting a goal for myself and almost immediately following it with the excuses reasons why I will fail.
  • I justify…dear goodness I justify…Why it (read: extra scoop of mac-n-cheese, starburst, a soda) is ok THIS time…conveniently ignoring what I justified less then 24 hours ago.
  • I am scared of who I can be.  Of what is under all this fluff.  What I imagine and what is reality are not connected at all.
  • I have a TON of excuses for why things don’t get done.  Excuses I would not except from my 6 year old yet I expect others to except from me.

So that’s the bad….the impurities as I am refined in the fire.  Floating to the top and not as easy to scrape off as one might think.  I have to keep myself on guard and constantly listen to the self talk.  Watching the things I let float around in my head and (mostly) squelching those things that if left to roam would set me back.

Yes there’s a lot of crud coming to the top but I am also being left with pure gold.  Seeing things about myself I didn’t know were there before I started on this journey:

  • I like working out
  • I am capable of doing more then I give myself credit for.
  • I am capable of doing more physically then others give me credit for.
  • I am able to survive sore muscles.
  • God listens to me.  His eyes are always on me and He is always thinking of me.  He does not need to look away from one thing so He can pay attention to me ( I still struggle with this one).
  • I will succeed this time because I am not doing it alone.  God is doing it with me. 

It’s amazing the things you come up with as you set out on a journey that is so against who you thought you were.  Fluffy is as much apart of me as my hands and feet.  It’s been 15 years since I could describe myself as anywhere near fit.  I have been scared for a very long time of what may be under all this fluffiness.  I admit that some of what I am uncovering is unpleasant… excuses and ideas I have allowed because of the fluffiness.  Justifying wrong thinking because of my fluffiness.  I have also discovered things I didn’t realize I was capable of…working out at least 4 days a week.  Working out on an ELLIPTICAL and enjoying it!  Making better choices in what I eat, believing I am worthy of God’s attention and that I have it, the challenge ahead of me is not one I will ever face alone, not because I have good friends but because I am the daughter of an amazing God.  Who is there to catch me if I fall, pick me up, kiss my boo-boos and encourage me to try again.

So I challenge you to challenge yourself.  That thing you’ve been feeling like you want to try but your scared you’ll fail.  That “feeling” could be God’s way of encouraging you to go do something GREAT!  Go and Do it!  Knowing that you are not alone, not because I will be cheering you on (and I will), not because your kids will admire you or you’ll be tickled with yourself but because God will be with you and it could be an awesome opportunity to draw closer to Him as you believe that if He asks you to fly He’ll not only give you the wings but He’ll give you the breeze to lift you up.

So.  How will you challenge yourself today?

God bless,


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